lay down your sword
by quietdays
Summary: i hate you's being uttered out before the sunset. a mutual ceasefire for the appreciation of the sun. who stopped first? shin soukoku. [also on ao3 and tumblr]


Who stopped first?

The question has been plaguing both Atsushi and Akutagawa's minds for some time now as they just sat there, watching the sunset, in silence. In truth, the both of them do not know, they simply do not know who stopped giving out blows, trading it for simply evading and dodging until slowly, slowly without neither noticing, the blows stopped coming and the both of them end up sitting near each other. Near enough to feel the other beside them, but not near enough for them to be touching. (Atsushi suspects that no one did stop giving out blows, they just- stopped. Akutagawa thinks the same, but deep down he thinks it might be the man-tiger.)

The sun is setting, and Atsushi thinks that it no longer burns to look at it straight in the eye.

Atsushi looks at the other, the sunset's color softly coloring their face with orange and yellow. Seeing his enemy so _near_ that he thinks it might be easy to end their troubles and just perhaps kill Akutagawa there and then, and he doesn't know where this thought is coming from (he knows though, that if he kills akutagawa there- there won't be any closure for the both of them.). For the first time though, he sees Akutagawa so close, and so near his personal face, and he notices the bags underneath the eyes of the other, and the crease near his eyebrows. It's not as if Atsushi has not yet seen this features, it's just that it might be the first time he and Akutagawa has stayed near together without bickering or physically fighting. (The man-tiger does not want to physically fight nor bicker, but for some godly reason it just ends up like that.)

The thing that strikes that Atsushi the most is that Akutagawa's eyes looks so _different_ so up close and not tainted by anger nor hate. It's something unreadable, the expression of his eyes now, something unreadable but it doesn't change the fact that his eyes are deep- almost lifeless, but not quite. (Atsushi thinks it's unnerving, but there's a certain charm to them.)

"Stop staring at me." Akutagawa finally snaps, his eyes not leaving the sun setting and Atsushi realizes that he's been staring at Akutagawa for a good minute, perhaps even more.

"Ah, sorry." Atsushi mumbles, slightly turning red as he starts looking back at the sun setting. The sun no longer gives the vibrant and slightly straining orange and yellow, but now gives a soft violet. It's still tinted with orange and yellow and red, but not so much now. It's nice and it's good and reminds Atsushi of something he never really did have when he was still a child.

They sit in silence once more, just staring at the sun setting and Atsushi can finally feel his adrenaline wearing off, just leaving him with exhaustion. He knows that he might end up sleeping so deeply that night and would probably arrive late at the agency tomorrow. Atsushi can't help but grimace as he knows that Kunikida would end up scolding him once more tomorrow. _like a child_ , he bitterly thinks, _i'm no longer a child and yet-_

"I hate you, you know." Akutagawa surprisingly breaks the silence, interrupting the other's line of thought. Atsushi looks at him in slight surprise, tensing up for a moment, readying for an attack before realizing that there would be no attack. The both of them are exhausted, mentally and physically, to the point that there would be no attacks and fights for today. Atsushi slumps down in realization.

"I know." He tells Akutagawa. It's not as if it was something that was hidden from the world and it was not as if Atsushi did not know that the other disliked him. He knows very well but Atsushi can't quite help feel disappointment bubbling up- surely they could not be only enemies? Surely Akutagawa knows that Atsushi no longer hate him like when they first met? That he has seen and has understood his reasons?

"No," Akutagawa says, voice tinted with something that sounds like regret, "You do not know. You should not know." He adds, a bit quieter this time, and it seems as if he sounds a bit insecure and nervous.

Atsushi realizes that Akutagawa is speaking of something different when he speaks of hate. Incredulous laughter leaves Atsushi's throat as he can't quite help it. Perhaps, the man-tiger was wrong in what he thought Akutagawa was meaning. Perhaps the other did not bear any hate for him anymore. (the sun is no longer out giving out any traces of orange and yellow, it is now hidden from the world and from the both of them and has only left a pretty soft blue with hints of violets swirling around, painting the sky.)

"I know." Atsushi once again tells him as he feels his warms redden. He looks at Akutagawa once more and sees his ears turning red and his face splattered pink.

"You're despicable." Akutagawa tells, he still doesn't look at Atsushi but only looks at what the sun has left them to see. "I hate you with everything I've got."

Laughter racks through Atsushi's body once more, not caring if it's making him feel pain once again. He can't believe that Akutagawa would be this childish despite him being older of the two. (though Atsushi knows why though, he knows why the two of them still acts childish; naive for Atsushi and selfish for Akutagawa.)

"I know." Atsushi repeats once more, finally standing up and patting Akutagawa's hair. The mafioso won't fight, he's made that clear through his declaration of hate. There are no more violets tinting the sky, only a dark blue that even if deep still seems soft and comforting. "I to you too."

Akutagawa stays there sitting, still looking at the sky, no longer looking at the sky but now the moon, softly giving out borrowed light from the sun, softly accompanied by stars. He look ethereal and someone so out of Atsushi's reach but likewise, someone so reachable. They stay like that for a while, the man-tiger standing near and with his hand on Akutagawa's hair while the said man continued to stay sitting down.

"You best be going now," Atsushi breaks the silence, "It's late."

"I could say the same for you." Akutagawa snaps back, starting to stand up too. He brushes off dirt of his coat, and looks at Atsushi in the eye. "You do not hate me the same way I hate you."

Atsushi softly smiles at Akutagawa, "I think that you're very much wrong."

(He goes home, Akutagawa in tow and they sleep in the same bed. It's warm, Atsushi thinks. It's warm and he can't help but fall in love with the warmth and Akutagawa even more.)


End file.
